I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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