you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
