why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
