is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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