His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
