Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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