when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I enjoy the company of your penis
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
