You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
