it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
