Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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