he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
