I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're a waste of cheezeits
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