the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
