Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
