As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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