Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
