Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
