What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
being pregnant is like rehab
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
