Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
