thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
