Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They have beer where we have blood.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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