Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You made out with two different species that night
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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