The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
