Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
