it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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