Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
