____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i already hear my dad disowning me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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