Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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