This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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