then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
