I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
