No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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