Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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