I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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