Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
