It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
