I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
