Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
