cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The beer is more important than you right now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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