you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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