I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
