Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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