we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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