dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
