I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
