I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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