We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
