ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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