Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
