what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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