I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't deserve a penis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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