her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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