remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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