billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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