Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
